A Moment of Catharsis

I really have no room to complain about my life, considering all the strife and despair happening across the world today. I should count my blessings and be thankful for all the good fortune in my life (I do, and I am); however, it is hard for me to appreciate the good unless I can release my feelings about the bad. WARNING: If you don't want to hear any self-serving whining, please stop reading here.

I am hoping if I flush this out now, I can focus on all the great things in my life (as there are many and I haven't been able to appreciate them as much as I want to). I have been really, really down for the past nine months or so. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. A few core elements in my life have been very unsettled and it makes it hard for me to even function sometimes.

To begin with, my "scary age" birthday is just over a month away. There are so many parts of my life I never thought I'd have by now (house, kids), and yet so many things I thought I would have that I don't. I'm still trying to adjust to this life, and adapting comes harder to me that I wish sometimes.

My job is very stressful, too, which doesn't help. Being an independent consultant has amazing benefits, but it is very unpredictable. I also never thought this would be my career, and I'm trying to find a balance between this job and where I ultimately want to be. It sounds so silly to say because I am so young (and have some impressive accomplishments under my belt already, if I can say so), but I feel like I haven't accomplished much in my life and am having a hard time with feelings of guilt, failure and discontent.

The last factor is relationships. I've had two important friendships end in the past few months - one was a long time coming, and the other completely blindsided me. I'm trying to make sense of what happened in each scenario. I tend to dwell on "rejection" and "why doesn't that person like me?" I'm working on getting past that. I've come up with little tricks for myself (channeling those feelings into productivity, and my three-strike friendship rule), but one thing I'm sticking to is the end of one-sided relationships. "Friend" is a term that holds special meaning to me, and I truly love my friends like family. I give my whole self to them, but I also need the same dedication back. Maybe I expect too much, but I think when someone is your friend, it isn't a halfway thing.

I've been having lots of problems in other relationships, as well, and I'm hoping to resolve these problems (for better or worse) soon, which might cause a lot of shift in my life. The good thing is that I have always been an up-and-up person - things can always be better, and I make the most of the circumstances. I also have a couple of super-amazing friends who have been by my side through all of this and are helping me get through this (you know who you are!!).

Much of my silence on this blog has been due to all of the above, and I felt obligated to provide insight into the reasons behind this. There are so many parts of my life that I am incredibly thankful for, including the unbelievably talented, passionate and kind people I've met through blogging, but sometimes having a moment of catharsis can help purge the barriers that hamper me from realizing the good (no rain, no rainbows, right?). I’d love to hear what you do to help bring yourself out of a funk, if you don’t mind sharing!

Thanks for listening :-) You are the best-est.

All pictures are by one of my favorite photographers, Gerald Brimacombe, and make me so happy!